I struggled with writing ten page papers in college why would I ever set out to do this. I know I’ll procrastinate, and leave it for a few months, lose interest and it will never be completed. But on the off chance that this actually gets published, and that some person some where that I do not know is reading this you can know the low expectations I’m giving myself right off the bat. Now I’ll go reward myself with a glass of wine. Be right back.
This is a much better setting to write a book. Just got done with the gym (a joke for another time) sitting here in my underwear with a lamp on by my bed, a Christmas scented candle burning, and now a glass of Moscato. I contemplated saying a glass of wine and leaving it to your imagination that I might be drinking something of high caliber like a fine red or something more sophisticated but you should really start getting to know me, and my sweet tooth.
It’s a Wednesday. Wednesdays are the day of the week which I have deemed for student loans. The subject of student loans are a very scary and daunting task in my life at present so I have limited my brain to only dwell on it for one day. It’s been working out well actually, this way tomorrow when the thought crosses my mind at work and could potentially send me down a spiraling dark hole of despair I simply have to think to myself, “it’s not Wednesday, you can worry about it on Wednesday.” So you can imagine since today is the day to worry about it that I am at present at the bottom of that dark hole of despair.
As a side note I keep having the impulse to use emojis in my writing. I know it’s not grammatical at all and highly unprofessional but I keep having the impulse to do so. This must be due to the fact that the place that I am doing most of my “writing” happens to be in text messages. Sigh. Such is our generation I guess.
So on this Wednesday, I was attempting to tame the student loan beast by getting my papers organized and color coding things to maybe help get a stronger grasp on them. I also called all the loan companies to find out what my minimum monthly payment is going to be so I can begin budgeting. I really got an idea of how much money I’m NOT going to have at the end of the month. Conclusion: I am screwed! Not even with my current income (which I might add is the best it’s ever been in my life) will I be able to stay afloat! So I started to brain storm some options to help tackle this monster.
The options are these:
- Get a second job and NEVER move out of mom’s house.
- Join the military/air force/navy/reserves as a chaplain or something
- Move to Japan and teach english
- Sell things, such as and not limited to: non-vital organs, bone marrow, sperm, etc.
- just so you’re aware I’m really trying to connivence myself that it’s not morally wrong to sell my sperm, and I don’t think I’m ready to take that option off the table, yet.
- Become famous on some type of social media outlet such as twitter or youtube.
Me writing this is some attempt at option 5. It amazes me slightly that in our current culture people can be discovered or become famous using youtube. Heck, even youtube famous people have merit. They can become sponsored and their sole job is entertaining us every week by speaking their thoughts or recording themselves sing in their garage using and HD camera. That is a second job I could live for! So I thought about making a video blog for youtube recording my conversations with loan companies and attempt being funny. Then maybe I’ll get discovered and one of my lenders will sponsor me as a marketing ploy and help me pay off my student loans. . . far fetched? Yes.
My friend Kristina just finished writing a book. And by the time this makes it into your hands she’ll no doubt be crazy famous and doing interviews on the Ellen show from the fame and selflessness her book is going to earn her. See her model is that she publishes this work of fiction, and for every book purchased instead of her reaping the profit from it she’s going to purchase a book for the school district! She is a nobel woman. Because I’m over here going, hey if I can have the discipline to write and finish a book, then have the good fortune to have that book published and make it big I can use the money from it to pay off my damn student loans. The kids can wait!! (Sorry Kristina, giving is step 8 remember).
I truly hope that last paragraph hasn’t already turned you off to reading the rest. I try to be funny sometimes, and I fumble occasionally. So disclaimer: in the event that anything really comes of this (and I pay off my student loans) I’d be happy to support education with my profit. Promise! Kristina will hold me accountable, I’m sure.
Now I start to question myself, would this book ever really fly? Could it ever really go “viral” so to speak. Would people really want to read it? I have a few followers of my blog, but they’re all my friends and I think they read it to gain insight into my life, like watching a rat try to accomplish a maze. They don’t really care if he’ll succeed rather they want to watch him attempt it anyway. When I told my mom tonight that I wanted to write a book to help pay off my student loans she said she would love to read a book written by me. So well, there’s one copy purchased. Thanks mom!
So, in a nutshell that is the purpose. Ms. McShea if you’re reading this I know you taught me not to talk to my audience but if I’m the author and this book get’s published then you have to start letting your AP english students do the same! It’s totes acceptable (yes I said that to piss you off, and yes before this goes anywhere you’re proof reading it so go easy with the red pen).
Another purpose, other than greed is yes thinking about and trying to make dents in my student loans have a profound effect on my mood. Writing about them and trying to reflect on what those promissory notes purchased and the good memories and experiences I gained there is me attempting to make light of the situation. Climbing up a rope to get myself out of that dark hole of despair. I hope you enjoy, and that after you enjoy you buy ten copies of it to give out as gifts to your friends. =D